With my life I have seen and done lots of things that have affected me in may different ways.
As I don’t like to burden people with my problems or my anxious thoughts, especially those closest as from past experiences people have ran a mile.
With this blog/diary I am able to write how I feel without people really knowing who I am and getting things out there. People may relate to how I feel with things.
As said in previous posts my mind like other people with Generalised Anxiety Disorder – our brains are not wired like every one else and it can be hard to express how we feel to others. I process things by logic and not a lot by emotion until my anxiety levels rise and I don’t use my mind but emotions. This way I can get what is my head out.
I use to be a lot more emotional in relationships and was more loving in them. Over time being rejected and hurt throughout in many ways that has all kinda changed. Every time I tried and failed I lost a piece of myself along the way and clammed up. As with everyone else you think you find someone amazing, open up abit and try your best you can and again have your heart broken.
I always hold on to hope – so I don’t end up like to how I was when I was 16/17. One day I hope I can find someone who I can be my old self again.
I have no idea anymore of where I am or what I am going to do. I do not want to rush it – I hope things will settle and it may come to me. I have seen people give up on love but I can’t do that – I have learned not to give up on the things you want most.
I continue to strive to be strong physically and mentally and find love with an amazing woman.
Doing these little blog posts feels right and it feels good to write them. It helps me to make a bit more sense and get these thing out of my head bit. I do not want to hurt anyone in anyway with these.
Lets see how these go.
Captain Anxious
(Everything written in these blogs are my own personal views and feelings)
Captain Anxious 
After three failed relationships, first one being abuse, second one did not work out and third one was the longest relationship I had been in of 6 years not working out I have gave up on love, or more so, rather than not gave up, I just won’t share my life with anyone in that way again. I have had to build myself up again each time and since last split which was a few years ago now, I have done more for myself than I have ever done on my own and I enjoy it. Nothing more than friendship for me. Good luck on finding your love and for you maintaining your dreams in finding it.
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I am sorry to hear about your troubles yet I am happy to see to how much you have done for yourself now. One day you never know what may happen (thats what I am telling myself).
Hope for a brighter tomorrow no matter what it maybe one day at a time.
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I certainly aim for one day at a time. New aim, learning to drive and I hope after I have had sufficient lessons I can pass, as well as the theory as well of course when time comes before it. I am hoping when I do have a car that it will bring better working opportunities to get out of my current workplace and whatever else it will bring.
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